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goodbye lj   
12:13pm 10/03/2010
 
mood: nostalgic
it was fun while it lasted.. but you've lost contact with all the people i cared for. time to clean the closet.
 
     

(opinions?)

 
*sigh*   
12:04am 27/03/2009
 
mood: crappy
I don't understand how the air around me can change so quickly... how in a matter of days things can seems so different and even more complicated. I'm getting over him. One step at a time, but still there is that nagging thought.. "He's leaving." And with that thought are so many doubts that come to rain on my parade. It used to be "no hurry to get you out" but now it seems wrong of me to be here, holding him back from what it is he wants most. .. on top of that I hate how one day we are fine and the next things seem to have changed completely. Again.

I could leave tomorrow. Stay at the studio. If I did that, there would be no use of finding a job, especially with the lack of showering.. And even if I wait until I find a job, I'm not sure that Wolfgang will let me keep it for long considering the tours and things... I'm so scared to make a wrong decision or say the wrong things to -anyone- that I'm also scared of being walked over. Nothing makes any sense to me anymore. I don't know what's best for me or my career and have adopted the "I'll just go with it until it sucks." motto. I really am doubting myself and everything I stand for... or think I stand for... and even though I have so many people to tell me I'm doing great and to hang in there, I know in the back of my mind those are things people feel they -should- say rather than stick with logic and reality. I myself have always been the one to comfort a troubled friend with the same words.. and though I believe in "everything has to be okay" it really doesn't. Things suck. You have to do something about it when things suck.. they don't just fix themselves. And so, that brings me back to what the fuck am I supposed to do?!

And again, loneliness finds me and I wish I had someone to feed me lies. Someone to make the world seem like a better place.. I'm beginning to lose hope of that, too.

I wish I had answers. And the option to remove tear ducts.
 
     

(2 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
   
06:47pm 29/03/2007
 
mood: pissed off
I must be a horrible person. Or something. I can't seem to hang onto friends. Fuck you Tarra. Chris, I know you don't mean any harm. But god DAMN Tarra. So I got mad at you for leaving your cat behind and us having to take care of her. Get over it...I did. I called you and told you I missed you. I wasn't mad. I was sincere. I was hopeing we could get past it. But I guess your head is just a little too big to pull out your own ass, and I can't care anymore. If you really want to pull this shit on people who bend over backwards for you, then I guess you'll have to find someone else to break. You still want to be friends? Cool. I'd love to try it again. But if this is what you do to people then I rather not. Fucking people. DAMNIT
 
     

(opinions?)

 
*sings*   
09:17pm 27/03/2007
 
mood: blah
Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me... Happy birthday dear meeee... happy birthday .. aw fuckit.
 
     

(2 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
   
08:44pm 02/03/2007
  So. Things have being really busy lately.. but a different kind of busy. It sucks. But anyway. I have about seven hours of work on my tattoo and I go back in tomorrow for another 2 hours. I'm so excited. Other than that.. um... Oh. John met some people in a band and made them listen to my CD. So I guess now they want me to play with them and start getting my shit together to go on tour and open for them. That's if everything works out this weekend. They're coming over for the first time and we're gonna jam. It's exciting. So anyway. I got on here in the middle of a pow-wow with my daughter. So. Off I go again. The way things are going, don't expect another post for a while.  
     

(opinions?)

 
   
07:24pm 12/10/2006
 
mood: excited
Here's a couple pictures of my tattoo.Read more...Collapse )
 
     

(2 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
   
12:37am 08/10/2006
  Hey. Guess what. I got a tattoo. Yep. My first one.. which turned out to be my whole back. I'll post pictures tomorrow probably.. right now, I'm sleepy.  
     

(4 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
   
02:10pm 14/08/2006
  Well.my band broke up. I figured it would happen, but I didn't expect it. Yea. I'm sure there's more I can write about it, but I won't. I don't really feel like thinking about it anymore.  
     

(1 sun spot | opinions?)

 
   
02:30pm 06/06/2006
 
mood: hot
Well, here's what's been happening lately... Band practice. Every Saturday. It's so much fun.. If things keep going like they are, we'll be on the radio in no time. yay!

me and Scarlet


***
The band -- From the left, Justin, me, Angie on bass, and Mike on drums.
 
     

(opinions?)

 
Sibling rivalry and other assorted events.   
05:08pm 22/11/2005
  My sister will one day turn into a plastic doll. I promise. I don't know when. Maybe in her next life she'll come back as one... *shrugs* Anyway. I can't deal with how fake she is. Granted, it's not her body that's fake.. but the way she is, is. I can't stand how she got married just for the dress and the ring.. though she won't admit it and probably never will. Her marriage is horrible.. she does everything for nothing and I can't see how she can be happy. So I told her one day that I'll stay out of all of it. And I haven't talk to her since then. It's probably been a good 3 months or so. So why am I bringing this up now? Because I love my sister-in-law (Cathy) and she tells me what's going on with my superficial blood sister. It gets me tense, but a little of that is good sometimes.

I met a really nice band the other day on Mill Ave. They want me to jam with them, so I plan to. I cut my hair... think I'm gonna get it shorter still. and.. I wish my husband was home.
 
     

(opinions?)

 
La la la. Big band jazz makes me dance.   
11:44am 16/11/2005
  So. I don't know what exactly to say now, but everything here is good. My cats are crazy and kitty has earned a new name -- Pear Bear. Yep. Chris has an interview tomorrow, Terra had one today and got hired. Unfortunatly, it's at a gas station that is robbed regularly. So she's going to keep looking for a better job. Friday we're all going out to see Harry Potter and Tomorrow I'm going to get my hair chopped off. I have to... it's ugly right now. Too many split ends. Scott still enjoys his work a lot and it sounds like he'll have a raise just after the new year. Things are moving along smoothly and it feels good to feel good.  
     

(opinions?)

 
   
10:22pm 14/11/2005
  Well. I guess I should wait to post tomorrow because my husband wants me to go to bed with him... but he can wait for a little. I moved again... to Phoenix. It's such a nice place here... I have a view of South Mountain out my balcony. So we got out of the ghetto and now we are here... a beautiful place with vaulted ceilings. yay. There are a lot of people I need to hear from... so please you know who you are... you have my new numbers... please get ahold of me. :)  
     

(7 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
   
07:24am 08/10/2005
 
mood: happy
If there's someone (or more than one someone) on your friends list that you'd love to have hot, sweaty, heart-exploding, cataclysm causing sex with that would make the gods jealous and epic sagas would be written about it for years to come, then write this exact sentence in your journal.
 
     

(opinions?)

 
   
07:14pm 22/09/2005
  I need someone. Anyone... to talk to. The energy changed here so quickly. ... just.. scared.  
     

(2 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
   
10:43am 19/08/2005
  Today is the day and we are getting out of here! We take off for Arizona in a few minutes... we're at the coffee shop and then it's to the gas station for gas and air. The trailer is packed and when we finally get there I'll be sure to post all the problems we've had getting there and getting ready. Trust me, right now is NOT the time to do that. Toodles!  
     

(opinions?)

 
Oi   
10:47am 20/07/2005
 
mood: awake
So. Lastnight was my sister-in-law's baby shower and it was so nice to see her again. I miss them so much. :( Pete wasn't there, but I didn't really expect him to be now that he's driving truck. She's so cute and round now. They're moving to NC next wednesday which means I won't see them until next year sometime... seeing as we're moving to AZ August 18. We secured an appartment at Marisol somewhere in Scottsdale. Scott said someone told him it's not a bad place to be, so we'll find out. As for me, I'm wishing I were pregnant more and more everyday and keep dreaming about it. So I finally got my head out of my ass and decided I'd write a spell and see if I can counter-act PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrom... which is why I can't get pregnant.) So we'll see how that goes.. but no matter what, we're still have to pay for the insemination. So we'll see how everything goes and hopefully in the near future I will be expecting a little one.

But anyway. My journal needs a new look, I believe. So I guess I can try to do that as well. It'll take a while because the only time I get on the internet is when I'm at the coffee shop. Yay for peanut butter mocha breve's. Woohoo. Toodles.
 
     

(3 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
Weee!!!   
06:59pm 27/06/2005
  I'm married! Yay. The ceremony was beautiful, and pictures are coming. *nod*  
     

(2 sun spot s | opinions?)

 
   
10:19pm 15/05/2005
 
mood: sleepy
I'm such a bad LJer. Haha. Alright. So, I'm going to be an Aunt come December. I will be married come June 24th, in Arizona by August 18th, and happy as hell through all of it. *nod* My sister (the one who is NOT pregnant) is completely selfish. I asked her if she was excited to be an aunt, and she replied with "No, I wanted to be first!" . . . Okay Kathy, whatever you say. And she wonders why I can't stand her! She acts just like my 14y/o step-daughter. ... She's 28. Yea. It's that bad. *sighs* Anyway, my brother is now a truck driver for Werner, my dad is on the road selling oil contracts, and my moms last day at work is this Wednesday. Things are looking up for all of us... Except for my sister. Things for the wedding are moving swiftly, and there are only a few things left to do. So far there are somewhere around 30 people attending the wedding, and still more reply cards expected. So. It is fun. And Scott and I have a new addiction -- Disc golf. Woohoo. We've played everyday now for I think three weeks. Fun stuff. That is where we are today. *nods* I'm sleepy.
 
     

(opinions?)

 
Lastnights events and a dream for you   
01:16pm 28/04/2005
  Lastnight my cat Annubis did crazy things that proved he is my cat. He wasn't acting normal, that's for sure. He made me let him look under the covers and between the wall and matresses. He made my move my pillows so he could look under them, all the while sniffing for something. He kept yelling at me and jumping on and off the bed, and it scared me. He wouldn't leave my side at all. So I came out to the living room and called Scott to tell him what was going on, and he said "Maybe a spirit has entered our house some way." I thought I had marked all the windows and doors so that kind of thing couldn't happen, but apparently I missed a few. So here I am, sitting on the couch with this cat who is just staring at me like I'm supposed to do something. After I thought about it, it was a spirit, it's just been so long since I've felt one that I couldn't pick up on it right away. Scott told me to sleep on the couch if that would make me feel better, so I put in Queen of The Damned and fell asleep to that. This morning, I find Annubis under a pile of blankets.... This is not normal. Like I told Scott, I don't think it's the cat, it's something in this house that he's worried about. I can't wait to move.

My Dream:
well it's not a lot, really. I went flying lastnight and it was so much fun. I went up really high and dove down again. ... Rachel called and asked if I wanted to come over and smoke a doobie, so I did that and did more flying. I still wonder what is in store for me my next life time. We shall know in due time.
 
     

(opinions?)

 
   
07:00pm 25/04/2005
  I feel bad. I've neglected my journal. *pout* But I did set up an account at deviantART if you want to check it out.... http://revela.deviantart.com

Do it. I know you want to.
 
     

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